Weekly WINGS
Wisdom and Inspiration Nurturing Growth and Success
This is not an article about Pride month, but we love and celebrate Pride around here. I’m the proud mother of an aro-ace, transgender son with a bisexual sister and a transgender niece. I’m also an alloromantic, grey ace myself (the “A” in LGBTQIA+).
So for all of our LGBTQIA+ readers and allies, from the bottom of my heart I wish you a very happy Pride and stand in solidarity with all of you as we seek to create a safer, more understanding, welcoming and trauma-informed world for everyone!
This week’s article is about a different kind of “coming out of the closet”…. the closet of Neurodivergence.
I know that many of you who follow the work we do at HSI are the parents of children who are neurodivergent (ND)— meaning that their brains operate differently than the way neurotypical (NT) brains operate.
Many professionals look at neurodivergence as a cluster of clinical mental health diagnoses and those who have been diagnosed as having other differences such as autism, ADHD, dyselexia, or Down Syndrome, among others.
However, neurodivergent advocates are increasingly challenging the medical “deficit model” to explore the social model of neurodiversity and exploring how neurodivergent brains are not “broken” – they are simply a different way of being in the world.
Australian sociologist Judy Singer coined the word “neurodiversity” in 1998 to recognize that everyone’s brain develops in a unique way.
Our friend from the Tilt Parenting Podcast, Debbie Reber, uses the term “Differently Wired” to describe the neurodivergent brain.
Danielle Sullivan, a brilliant neurodivergent graduate of our HSI Trauma-Informed Certification Programs has an fantastic coaching and training program at Neurodiverging.com that you should all check out, too!
Last week I learned that many people were celebrating Neurodiversity Pride Day on June 16th, which is another reason why I wanted to share a relatively new self-discovery with you today…. (drum roll please)….
I am Neurodivergent!
About six months ago, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type).
This diagnosis came after a very long process of self-reflection, research, and both informal and formal assessment. I self-diagnosed way before I got the official rubber stamp from the professionals.
Deep down, on some level I always knew I was ND. I was always a bit of an “odd duck” and was identified as gifted in the fifth grade… way back in 1978 when giftedness was first starting to become recognized as a special education category.
That was also the year my teacher, Mrs. Peal, put me in a refrigerator box.
I loved Mrs. Peal… and I loved that refrigerator box!
A creative and compassionate educator always looking for new ways to support her students, Mrs. Peal asked a refrigerator company to donate all the cardboard boxes that the refrigerators came in so that she could create study carrels for those of us who were easily distracted and a bit too chatty to get our work done.
We got to decorate them however we wanted and make them special unique little caves for our creative minds. Inside my cozy box I was able to focus and got so much more work done! I even had extra time to write stories and poems, to the absolute delight of the wonderfully supportive Mrs. Peal.
Everyone was so envious of us “box kids” … so eventually, she got a bunch more boxes and made them available to anyone that wanted one.
Universal Design for Learning at its finest!
Throughout my school career, I always got good grades in school and worked hard to do well, especially for teachers I loved, like Mrs. Peal. Relationships with trusted adults are so very important…. for all kids.
However, I was also very stressed out about school almost all the time.
Keeping up with assignments and deadlines was super challenging for me as a young child with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. I was the queen of the last-minute homework assignment or all-nighter essay or research paper the night before it was due.
I was (and still am) a speed-reader who could fly through a novel in a day or two and outline an entire social studies chapter during study hall just before it was due.
I spent a lot of time in the clouds daydreaming and getting distracted. My hyperactive imagination caused a lot of anxiety, and RSD made social interactions difficult.
My high school English teachers loved my writing skills and creativity, but they would often write comment “FOCUS!” in red pen in the margins of my essays that included just a bit too much tangential detail.
My parents often joked about my long, drawn-out conversations with them:
“We love her, but Sandi can sure talk a rock to death.”
Even today, this MailChimp newsletter management system likes to give me constructive feedback telling me to write shorter sentences, use more headings, and get to the point. (If you are still reading…. thanks for your patience!)
I have several neurodivergent family members, including two autistic nieces (one cisgender, and one trans). So there may be a genetic connection.
One of my favorite authors, Gabor Maté, has ADHD himself and believes that it is a cluster of symptoms associated with developmental trauma.
There is a lot of debate around this topic, which I don’t have time to address here.
But regardless of whether or not trauma is related to neurodivergent genetic expression, those of us who have ADHD or are neurodivergent in any way are at higher risk for experiencing trauma simply because the world and its neurotypical systems are sometimes hostile and unaccommodating, making it a challenge to feel that we belong.
Why I’m sharing this today
I’m sharing this story with you for three reasons:
- You may be raising a neurodivergent child.
If you are raising or teaching a child who is autistic, has ADHD, or any other diagnosis under the ND label, I want you to know that there are so many resources and supports available to you today that were not available years ago!
There is so much hope and so many amazing ND role models coming out now to share their stories! - You might know that you are neurodivergent and feel isolated and alone.
Many are afraid to disclose being neurodivergent to others who may or may not fully understand how it affects you and what your unique needs are.
You may have had difficulties at work with bosses who are unwilling to accommodate tasks for you, or you may have had socially awkward situations with people whose brains just don’t “get” your unique brain processes.
If this is the case, I encourage you to find support in local or online communities of other compassionate ND brains who truly understand and will support and encourage you. Not sure where to begin? Hit “reply” and I’ll hook you up. - Like me, you yourself might be neurodivergent…. and not even know it!
This is the part of the story that brings a combination of both sadness and relief to me.
It’s estimated that more than 5% of Americans have ADHD, but less than 20% of those who have it are actually aware that they have it.
Women are even less likely to be diagnosed as children because it has always traditionally been thought of as a disorder of hyperactivity in boys.
Women with inattentive type may seem very calm and relaxed on the outside but may have internally hyperactive, sometimes hyper-focused brains that is unobservable to their parents and teachers.
Had I known more about my ADHD brain as a young person, I may have been able to identify better coping skills and executive functioning strategies to reduce the stress that I experienced for so many years.
On the other hand, being late-diagnosed has also been a huge relief because it explains so many things that have been difficult for me and tasks that were made even more challenging by pandemic isolation and anxiety.
Knowing more about ADHD has empowered me to seek solutions and find solidarity with others, and it has brought a lot more self-compassion and self-awareness that has been so helpful to me.
If you think there is a possibility that you have ADHD, are autistic, or have some other kind of neurodivergence… this is your permission to seek the answers that you deserve!
Happy (belated) Neurodivergent Pride Day!
So for all of you who have neurodivergent children or students and those of you who are neurodivergent, I see you, I care about you, and I send you so much appreciation and support!
Summer Reading Challenge
- Join the Summer Reading Challenge: Start or join a book club and sign up to be eligible to win prizes!
- Let us know what you’re reading! We will be giving out random prizes to those who are joining or leading book studies — be sure to throw your name in the hat!
- Want professional development credit? Take our NEW Book Study Course – earn 1 Graduate Credit per book!
Or take it to the next level and…. - Sign up for our HSI Certification Programs: Take our world-class programs, read 4 books, and earn up to 10 graduate credits!
HSI provides world-class Trauma-Informed Certifications programs for Trauma-Informed Specialists, Certified Parent Coaches, and Certified Educational Trainers. Download the brochure to learn more!
Scholarships: A limited number of partial scholarships are available to those with significant financial need. Download and the brochure, then hit “reply” for more information or to schedule a Zoom call.
I hope this Weekly WINGS has been helpful to you!
Be PROUD of who you are and who your kids are, even if they are odd ducks! And remember, the ugly duckling wasn’t ugly at all… and wasn’t even a duckling. He was beautiful, late-diagnosed swan.
See you. next week!
