Weekly WINGS
Wisdom and Inspiration Nurturing Growth and Success
Last week we tackled the outdated myth of permissive parenting.
This week, I want to share with you what I think is the number one thing parents and teachers can do to support the growth and healing of explosive, depressed, and anxious children.
It might surprise you.
Trauma and desperation
Many of our kids and teens are suffering.
So many are not only dealing with the developmental trauma of growing up without their needs being met because of abuse, neglect, poverty, inequity, and lack of understanding, but they are also living in a time that is full of so much violence, polarization, social media saturation, and pressures that are beyond the level of what we experienced growing up.
This has resulted in over half of them experiencing increasing levels of anxiety, depression, shut-down, social isolation, self-harm, and even suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
And this trauma and the resulting mental health crisis spirals into countless other challenging behaviors that can derail their progress in school and make it difficult to know how to support them.
If I asked you to guess what that one thing is that can help these children, what do you think it would be?
Better psychiatric medications? More therapy?
More parenting strategies that help kids want to cooperate with you?
Over the years, I have tried all kinds of therapies, medications, and strategies.
Some were helpful, some were not.
But there is something that made a radical change in the trajectory of my son’s healing.
A lot of parenting experts will tell you they have the “special magic solution” to get your child to behave and start doing what you want them to do.
That somehow, if you just follow the formula, you can get an out-of-control child to calm down and be happy again.
I’m not going to tell you that.
Most of you know by now that trying to control your child is a losing battle.
There is no magic solution to “get” your child to start or stop a behavior.
The one thing that is 100% in your control
The only person whose behavior you can actually control is your own.
And the good news is…
Being deeply aware of your own behaviors and getting your own needs met is actually a whole lot more important that you might think it is when it comes to helping your child’s progress.
It took me a long time to really understand this concept deeply, but it has finally taken root, and I’m now seeing the positive results of a paradigm shift happening in the life of my family.
Here is the number one thing you can do to help explosive, anxious, and depressed children…..
Become aware of your own explosiveness, depression, and anxiety, and then do what it takes to work on your own personal growth and healing.
What I have found to be a profound and transformative truth is this:
When I am doing what it takes to mend my own heart, address my own trauma, and promote my own healing, this has a ten-fold positive effect one the growth and healing of my child’s heart.
Way beyond “self care”
In the early days of my parent coaching practice, I used to teach parents that there were “four essentials” to focus on to help promote growth and healing in their family: Support, Strategies, Safety Planning, and Self Care.
These are a good start, but in the past few years of doing a deeper dive into my own growth and healing, I realized that I was missing the most important essential, and that is the care and feeding of your own SOUL.
As adults who love children, we often get so caught up in the daily tasks and needs of our kids that it’s easy to completely forget who we are and what we need for our own growth, healing, and soul-filled life of meaning and purpose.
This goes way beyond the typical advice you will hear about parents and teachers needing to take time out for self-care.
I think self-care is great and certainly very important, but I’m talking about a deeper need than just getting enough sleep, taking vacations, having fun, eating good foods, etc.
I’m talking about really remembering who you are and what you are here to do on the planet as a full expression of not just what you enjoy but also what you are uniquely designed to contribute… beyond the daily grind of work, chores, and groceries.
Parenting and/or teaching are only part of who you are.
And though it’s certainly an important part, you may feel like you have lost part of your soul in the process of being and doing as much as you can to support the children in your care.
You may not only be experiencing the trauma of raising or teaching kids with challenging behaviors along with anxiety and depression, but you yourself may have also fallen into anxiety, depression, and desperation.
The stress and trauma is not just because of the kids and their trauma.
It’s also because life is really challenging sometimes, and we don’t always know where to get the kind of support we truly need to address our own childhood traumas or what kind of activities and practices would support our personal growth and healing.
When we are in the thick of it, it’s sometimes hard to even think of what sparks a sense of joy, purpose, and meaning in our lives.
I’m not talking about religious practices, though for some those can bring a lot of meaning… I’m talking about a comprehensive life makeover that puts your own growth and healing at the top of your priority list, so that you are serving others from a place of true strength, not duty-driven depletion.
There is hope!
If this topic of parent/teacher anxiety, depression, and loss of soul purpose resonates for you, I want to start by saying that you are not alone.
There are a lot of us out here who are just trying to make it through the day.
But there is so much hope for you, and lots of ways to get support!
In my own life, I have discovered and rekindled some healing practices that have been truly transformational and have had a profound effect on my way of being in the world.
Many of you know that I’ve also been doing a deep dive into the study of somatic mind-body therapy practices, meditation, and nervous system healing modalities to better inform and support the work that we do with adults at HSI.
And I want you to know… there are so many ways to get support and develop new skills and practices that can help support your own nervous system healing and make life feel better and full of possibility again!
An invitation
If you would like to explore your own mind-body healing and discover new ways of meeting your soul’s deepest needs and desires, I have a special invitation…
As part of a formal meditation teacher training that I’m completing, I have an assignment to practice doing guided meditations with individuals and small groups.
For this assignment I’m offering several 20-minute FREE sessions on creating a vision for your dream life. It’s a beautiful practice that will help you expand your own amazing life vision and build momentum towards creating it!
If this sounds intriguing to you and you would like to schedule a session with me (either as a private or group session), just click HERE to sign up for a 30-minute meeting on my appointment calendar.
Join the movement!
HSI provides world-class Trauma-Informed Certifications programs for Trauma-Informed Specialists, Certified Parent Coaches, and Certified Educational Trainers. Download the brochure to learn more!
Scholarships: A limited number of partial scholarships are available to those with significant financial need. Download and the brochure, then hit “reply” for more information or to schedule a Zoom call.
I hope this Weekly WINGS has been helpful to you!
This week, make your own personal growth, healing, and SOUL-care a top priority, and I’ll see you here again next week!